Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
