I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
