do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
