Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
