we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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