I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
