I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
