Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
