It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
