i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
