I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
