just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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