he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
