you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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