it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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