Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
