the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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