the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
