and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
