take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
