New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
