I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
