if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
