I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
