the new term for farting is butt boxing.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
