Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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