nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your penis caused this!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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