its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
