woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
