Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
someone owes me an orgasm
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
