Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
