I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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