The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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