You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
