Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
