There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
