If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
