her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
