So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
