he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
