So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
