we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
