; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
