GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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