okay pat passed out under dana's car
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
