Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
