There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
