I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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