tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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