Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
